I Thought I Had Life Figured Out, But… | Greetings From Abroad II

When I was a child I was very timid, boring, lacked social skills, and full of anxiety and fear. The only thing that uplifted me was my academic abilities. Life in this modern age begins with schooling. Before I could differentiate between my left and right footwear, I was in preparatory school. I was told to follow rules. Subtly, I was introduced to what’s morally good and bad. I was told to follow instructions, even though most of the time I didn’t know the reason behind those orders. Life was quite simple then. Wake up, get prepared, walk a few meters to school, engage in class activities, come back home, finish your homework, have meals in between, and sleep.

Fast forward to post-senior high school, a period I regard as the most impactful transition moment in my life. It was a slow light bulb moment. It was as though I had been sleeping all my previous years on earth. I was brought to the forefront of reality. The contributions to this awareness were my habits of reading the Bible profusely, and listening to thought-provoking albums, among others. I was effected, and it was evident in my speech, thoughts and the activities I chose to involve myself in. I shook away the characteristics that marked me as a child. I was now optimistic, confident, courageous, bold and full of self-belief.

Then I gained admission into university. I did a miserable job of balancing my social life with academics in such a highly academic environment. Hence I ran into my shell, and outwardly, people would see me as hostile and socially unintelligent. In my sophomore year, I was chosen by my class rep. among a few others to organize a party to bring balance to our class fellowship. With the massive help of a brother from another mother, the party was successful. During the process of organization, I was forced to talk to almost everyone in the class. It restored my confidence. Since then, I never looked back on my self-esteem throughout my remaining years on the ever fertile grounds of Legon.

People kept equating the phrases “life after school” and “reality” during my final year, so much that my ear found it cliché. The interesting part is, they weren’t lying. When I started offering my national service, reality punched me hard in the face. I then came to the realization that I’d have to work for the rest of my active years of life if I ever wanted to accomplish a task, buy something or even become a complete Christian. My problem was, work didn’t make my checklist for a happy life.

I found happiness in blogging and writing, so I’d put in my all to make sure it works. The more I tried, the harder it became. Those hardships were expected though, because the content I fed on during those moments explained to me exactly the phase I was going through, and it was just a matter of perseverance and patience for me to get to where I envisaged. I ended 2018 with some remarkable achievements. Within the deepest pit of my heart, I knew I’d achieve more in the following year, considering the fact that I was down with ailment for about a quarter of 2018. At that point, I thought I had figured life out, and it wouldn’t ever get bad for me. I was ready for life.

I had quite a number of achievements in 2018. It wasn't just by strength but God's blessings 🙏. Here we go (THREAD)

🏆 Successfully registered & verified Google AdSense on https://t.co/nxBZ5LkT6O

🏆Became a regular pundit on #LIFTOFF radio show on @y1025fm [Thanks @kooSebor ]

— Nana Fufuhene II (@Aqweci) January 1, 2019

Fortunately - as many would put it, I migrated to United Kingdom. People call her the land of opportunities, a dream destination, and so on that I cannot fathom. However, I didn’t let all those titles get into my head. I had been disappointed with expectations enough to fall for such sayings. I was just on the lookout for what life had to offer me in the Queen’s land. I didn’t even agree to compete in this bout, but life gave me an injurious uppercut. I’d revisit my notes on how I had it all figured out and get confused, because I didn’t see any positive thing happening. My life hacks had become useless, and I’m just an immigrant with little to no connections, information and know-how.

There are moments where I’d ink my plans on paper, and I could hear mild untraceable laughter and sense mockery. I’ve been told by a few trusted people that “we’re living to work’, a phrase I’m bent on never accepting, but the reality is, that’s what everyone around me is doing. My alter ego tells me “What makes you think you can be different? It’s not like people didn’t have dreams. They just had a reality check. Don’t waste your time deceiving yourself.” I was caught up in going to work and putting up fake smiles, and doing my best to feed significant people in my life with the idea that I’m doing what’s right. But, I hated every bit of it. Throughout this year I’ve been living in my head, more than on the physical earth. I can’t recount enough times when I’ve lived completely in the moment. I’d consult my plan for life and shake my head in grief. I’d seek answers from close ones, the internet, books and even the Holy Book, but I wouldn’t find a satisfying answer to what the meaning of life is.

As the book of Ecclesiastes rightly put it, “So I set out to learn everything from wisdom to madness and folly. But I learned firsthand that pursuing all this is like chasing the wind. The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.” On a phone conversation with a friend, he gave me one of the hardest pills to swallow. He told me to look around. The other living things of nature – plants and animals, just exist. They carry out what ensures them survival, just live and die. They don’t fight so hard to reach goals or attain purpose. Even if some have purpose, they don’t strive for it. Maybe, that’s how human beings are meant to live, but along the lines of civilization, we decided to create ambitions, purpose and whatnots. I accept it’s a surface view of life, but you can’t entirely dismiss this opinion.

I thought I had figured life out, little did I know I was naïve and uninformed. Thence, I think everyone comes to life with a glut of blank sheets. What you believe in is a result of what you’re fed with – by your parents, teachers, religious speakers, friends, etc. It may be true or false, it may be factual or non-factual. In the end, you choose to write those passages on your life’s sheets. People believe in God, others don’t, but we can agree that such different people all go through the same phases - birth, existence and death. What happens in the process of living is up to them. What you define as success may be failure in someone’s books. As humans, we tend to believe in certain theories to fill a void in our curiosity. Christians believe in the creation story, evolutionists believe in big bang theory. What you choose to believe may or may not work for you, but in the end, we’re all not really different. Life doesn’t have a manual. That’s why we all have problems. Motivational speakers cry themselves to bed. Your idols are probably having sleepless nights. No matter how great you think you’re doing, life remains a mystery to all of us. The more you live, the more you unravel, and you die without getting to the tail bottom.

We will not all view life from the same angle. That’s impossible!; I choose to believe in Jesus as God, and as He came to earth to accomplish His purpose by dying for our sins, so I believe that each person has a life’s task he or she is supposed to fulfill. The years we have are an opportunity for us to figure out the best ways to be our best selves and achieve.

You may have divergent perspectives about life, and those are your views. The definition of life is not a one-size-fits-all situation. You are what you eat. You are what you feed your mind with. You are what you believe in.